I did it again

I did it again. I got bored and strayed away. Pushed them away. Pushed her away. I do not know what feelings are anymore. To me, they are fleeting. A moment that is present, and then becomes the past. One more feather in my cap. One more memory added to the collection.

Some ask what becomes of the broken hearted. I say it stays broken. No glue in the world can hide the cracks and no amount of staining can cover the blemishes.

Being alone in the world is all but a comfort to me.. comfort in knowing that no one understands me but me. I see faces pass me by each day. Each are happy, empty, emotionless, sad, blank, inquisitive. But none look my way. I am only a shadow that wisps by them all, a presence occupying their space for all but a blink of an eye.

Automn encompasses this hemisphere once more. Another season of regrets and misforgivings. How the cold cuts in like a sharp knife and how the crisp breeze pushes its way to a heart that is already frozen... tired.

The ebbs and flows of my time on earth have made me weary and stoned like staring at a sun setting forever in the distant horizon that can never be reached. I yearn for the old days where innocence prevailed and worries were but an unknown mystery undiscovered.

I wanted to grow up, but not to what I am today. Perhaps it was my sloth. Maybe it was my naivety. I had no hand to push me in the direction that would have had success prevail. I have learned everything the hard way, through experience. I just had to see it for myself. Theory was not good enough. And through all that, this is what has become of me. A shell of a human.. spent and overlooked. A day in the life of me is a day I do not wish upon anyone. And if anyone had lived this day, you will know just how this existence is intolerable. 

Perhaps a night's rest will ease my mind until the next time these feelings reveal themselves once more. That is all I can hope for. For hope is just a word which others bestow onto others to encourage the forage forward - to continue the search for it... but what is 'it'?....



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Comments (2)

  1. 1pennyformy

    ‘it’ is purpose.. which is unique to you. I’ve read a lot of opinions on it, don’t agree with many. I believe every relationship we have has potential to further uncover and define our purpose – individual and collective.

    November 02, 2016