Oblivious

oblivious to the fact that I have nothing to lose, yet all can be lost. Tearing down the past only means that the present and future has to be rebuilt. 

As time passes, I age, and as I age, that abitious self I once knew deteriorates. Fleeting is that drive to get what I think should be mine. That which I think belongs to me is the right of others, so who am I to interfere with the natural course of selection? Who am I to govern who selects who? I am just in the way of other's destinies. I am just in the way of other's happiness and longing. 

Being told constantly that love comes when one least expects it, I cannot help but to look. And when I look, I don't see. If I am to least expect it, then who is to say I would want it at that time and period? 

It is time to give up. I have tried tirelessly to the brink of insanity, and being insane will not be good for anyone. my best companion is my cigarette. It listens. It consoles. Ever understanding.

 

 

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Comments (2)

  1. dincali

    oh i hear that!
    i’ve given up on love…well, at least the kind of love that sustains you, that wraps itself so tightly around your heart, and fills every since you have as to the total purpose of your very existence…ya that once in a lifetime, “over the ball park..home run feeling” YES, that love…well, it never found me, or rather my equilibrium got sidetracked by my longing, and my perception of, OMGosh..what, a “fairy tale”..but then my star, up on cloud nine…or was it possibly some asteroid that pummeled me back to earth.
    so, i’m remarrying my ex…cause of course..must have security for that rocking chair slowly approaching like a freight train on a collision course, so i will say I DO…even though i don’t, and take my book, my green tea, and yes, my ciggy’s and hopefully a complete calm of blue skies, amidst the storms of tears that still plague my heart…i will look at my children, and beautiful grandchildren, and hopefully…God willing will finally have peace in my soul.

    April 25, 2017
  2. dincali

    and ’s to you!

    April 25, 2017